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Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.
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“But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks’ time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can’t be pure luck.
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In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge “historical facts” such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.
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Officials are quite confident the “time-traveler’s” claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, “No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002.”
As I’m out in the back enjoying another fine Marlboro, I realized that I’ve developed another OCD. I keep glancing at Washington to make certain that there’s not a big fireball making the sky glow red. I’m already putting a positive spin on the situation, thinking to myself that if it happens, it would be best to happen in the evening when my friends and family are home from their government jobs.
Ok….
This is a lame complaint, but it is really starting to bug me. You know when you check out of the grocery store and you get store generated coupons? Why are they always for products/brands you don’t use?
Example#1
I buy Huggies Brand diapers. Why? Because Pampers don’t fit my baby girl right and end up leaking. I buy Huggies and I get Pampers coupons all the frigging time. I never ever get Huggies coupons.
Example #2
I buy power bars and I get Ensure coupons. Hello??? I sort of see the connection, but come on. If I’m buying exercise bars, I don’t think I need a meal replacement supplement marketed towards senior citizens.
and that folks, is my Target Lady complaint of the day.
I have a great respect for the Italian people. Their art, their music, their food, their architecture, their wine, what’s not to like? My problem lies totally with the small business owners of the Italian food places. God bless them, I love their fare but they’re just not nice to me. Perhaps my love of garlic has caused me to consume so much as to overload even the senses of the garlic loving race. Maybe I’m generating an anti-Italian pheromone. Perhaps the word when out that time I tried French instead of Italian dressing on my salad. I’m already used to the “Whaddaya want” stuff, these are business people, don’t be wasting their time with greeting or any casual stuff.
Ok… with everything going on in the world and Zinger swamped at work, I have this great desire to post something frivolous to lighten everyone’s day. My husband has been trapped in Denver this week. Denver is having its worse blizzard in decades and he’s stuck in the middle of it at a Holiday Inn. But to make matters worse, guess who he is trapped at the Holiday Inn with?CHER!So I pose this question to everyone, who is the last person on Earth (that is living) that you’d want to be trapped in a Holiday Inn?
Republican - You believe that the free market willtake care of most things, but that thegovernment should be there with moderate taxation to provide for national defense and enforcing morality. Your historical role modelis Ronald Reagan.
Which political sterotype are you? brought to you by Quizilla
Following the tattoo theme, I don’t think any of us can beat this one (NSFW).
I must be old, I just can’t be angry all the time. For some mellow groove, check out Eva Cassidy’s version of What a wonderful world.
I was watching SpeedVision a few days ago and saw the perfect vacation for Zinger. (Yeah, I was waiting for a Formula 1 race to begin.) There is a Inn in Vermont called the Equinox. Besides having its own spa and golf course, it offers a Range Rover off-road driving classes through rugged terrain. So if your significant other is not into off-roading, park them at the golf course or spa and go play in the mountains with a Range Rover. Sounds pretty cool to me.
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