I think they might come out something like this:
The video came as a pleasant surprise, and while I am generally not a fan of medium-budget films directed at pre-teen audiences, I am big enough to recognize the one you showed as an excellent example of the genre. So the movie played, the night deepened, and our steady driver prudently switched on his hi-beam headlights. And I suppose that the lights control must be located very near other switches on the dash, for, in turning on his bright lights, he, inadvertently, I think, switched on his public address microphone as well. From that point on, we sleepy passengers were treated to a constant and soothing hiss from the overhead speakers, soporific, like a single protracted wave endlessly in the process of crashing onto an eternal nighttime beach. This gentle soundtrack was only punctuated by occasional noises from our careful driver himself, an intermittent collection of gurgling, shifting, sniffling, throat-clearing, breathing sounds, comforting reminders of his persevering alertness, and also warm sounds in themselves, human sounds, as though in boarding his bus, we had each entered the moist security of his very womb…
Funny stuff — I especially like the one he wrote to British Airways. I appreciate your vote of confidence in my own capability to write such prose, but it appears that I have much less time on my hands than I once did.